


A long way to drive

by LittleMinou



Category: Original Work
Genre: Best Friends, Depression, F/M, Friends to Enemies, Friendship, Hurt, Other, Real Life, References to Depression, Regret, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:31:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMinou/pseuds/LittleMinou
Summary: An original story about friendship and the offers it demands.





	A long way to drive

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there.
> 
> Now I know an original story is not really at home here on this site, but I've given it much thought and decided to post it anyway. I want it out in the world, so here we go.
> 
> With love,  
> LittleMinou

“Another day, another chance.” He whispered to himself as he closed the front door behind him. The cold morning air greeting his face made him shiver.

Mumbling curses to himself, he raised the collar of his jacket and started on his walk toward the bus stop.

It might only be February still, but if there was one thing he hated, it would be the cold. He’d be anywhere but here right now. Anywhere warm, that is. A sunny beach maybe, or a city trip in the warmer southern countries. 

Summer couldn’t come soon enough.

The bus arriving at the stop snapped him out of his daydream. A little sprint to cross the road only allowed the wind more playroom, and he could feel the hairs in his neck stand up. 

After he checked in, he could finally sit down. Anything better than being out in the cold. 

He put his earphones in and looked through his albums. He noticed he had quite the number of songs in his phone, ranging from the newest hits to straight up death metal. He settled for a popular pop song; he didn’t really feel like paying attention anyway.

Looking out the window made him feel like he was in a music video. The music blasting in his ears, the trees moving by too fast and the cold weather made his trip to school feel all too distant. What he would give for another hour of sleep right now.

Suddenly, a biker in the nearby distance caught his attention. Could that be who he thought it was? 

Because… He could swear that... 

Oh come on, that head full of blonde, almost golden bouncy hair with a mind of it’s own flowing in the icy wind, the bike in full white except for the red basket on the front and the long, black coat could only belong to one person. Only to her. And damn, has it been a long time since he’s seen her like this.

They go a long way back you know. He remembered it as clearly as a summer's day.

Six years ago, while having a break between lessons with his friends, and there she was. That bouncy blonde hair gently falling over her shoulders and the sparkle in her sea-blue eyes. A little sway in her hips with every step she took almost made it look as if she did a little dance all her own. And her little dance guided her right to the table he and his friends were sharing their break at, enjoying eachothers company. 

As it later turned out, one of his female friends was a mutual friend of them, which is what brought her to their table in the first place. Yet from that moment on, she shared her breaks with them at their table. He soon learned her favorite foods, what she did in her free time, her little quirks and her tricks which ranged from straight out bluffing into others faces, to the little pout she put on her face when fallen victim to his friends’ sarcasm and jokes. She was easy-going, gentle, funny, protective of her friends and not afraid to throw a comment back in someone’s face with a grin spread across her own.

From that moment on he knew she was something special.

Every break he spent with her made him realize even more what she began to mean to him. She made him laugh at the silliest things, encouraged him in the goals he wanted to achieve, gave him a shoulder to cry on and a place to hide his deepest secrets, insecurities and fears. 

Yes, he felt something for her, that much was clear to him from the moment he laid his eyes on her. Yet his fear, the only fear he never got himself to tell her, was the one to make or break everything they had. She was his friend – best friend even – and the one to fall back on and to trust when things went wrong. The one to run to when you so desperately needed that confidence boost, or that much needed hug. She knew him in and out, but he couldn’t tell her he loved her.

Not that she suspected anything of course. She knew his type, gave him all the relationship advice she had in store and helped him out on each and every one of his dates. Even though his dates never worked out – for obvious reasons – she still named herself his wingwoman, and continued to help him with the girls he was “interested” in.

It went on like this for about three years. They had great fun together. They even had their own shared little group of friends and a standard day every week to meet up again. This went on through high school and continued as they started their studies. It did become a little more challenging though. One of their friends went to another city to go to university, and another started working in their parents’ shop. The two of them, however, stayed close to their roots. Sure, they picked another field to study and with that came another school, but they would be able to attend their weekly meetups every week again. They remained close by, and actually enjoyed their student life!

Or well, it was fun anyway.

They remained close friends during the first year of their studies, with all the new experiences, busy schedules and internships thrown at their face. But at one point something changed. He wasn’t able to pinpoint the exact moment something changed. One day it – she – was just… different.

He never really noticed up until that point to be honest, but looking back he slapped himself in the face for missing all the obvious signs. It started with being tired a lot and missing the weekly meetings with friends. She started to look worn-out, and hardly seemed to be able to get out of bed. Her smile became forced, her hair got an ashy look. The sparkle in her eyes was replaced with an empty void, and her feet had to drag her everywhere she went.

Of course, he wasn’t surprised when she sat him down to talk about the diagnosis she got from the doctor earlier that day. He basically had to force her to make an appointment. She kept saying she was fine, that she didn’t need a doctor. Well, news flash: she was definitely not okay.

And he knew.

He remembered her exact words that time.

“So yeah… He said it’s depression.” And for a few moments those were the only words that hung in the air between them. After a while her eyes finally got up to meet his. Tired eyes. Empty eyes. They lost their sparkle a long time ago, but this time they really hit him. She looked right through him with those eyes, as they have done all this time.

“I’m sorry.” It was no more than a broken whisper. That was all she could, and all she had to do, for him to realize he was silently crying.

Things moved quickly from that moment on. One moment, he was holding her, bawling his eyes out and asking why this happened to her. Begging her to do what had to be done to bring her old self back to him.  
The next, he saw her get up. A face showing no emotion. The tears that were falling only seconds ago seemed to turn into mist. Red, dead eyes looked him up and down, with maybe a hint of regret showing, before she turned around and walked out of his life.

Just like he asked her to.

That day had been half a year since the day he held her, and a lot had changed in those few months. She stopped hiding her depression around him. She stopped pretending to be fine. She started going to therapy and doing things she used to love.

But it was not enough.

After half a year of no visible improvement, he realized he felt different towards her. She wasn’t who she was supposed to be. He felt bored of her, almost indifferent. The day he told her to walk out of his life she didn’t even try to stay. She knew he felt that way about her. He tried not to show, but she already figured it out. She knew him through and through. She got up and walked away, and that was the last time he saw her.

Yet here she was again. Smiling. Beaming. The girl he knew and adored for four years. The one with the sparkling sea-blue eyes seeing a world of their own, and the bouncy blonde hair with the golden glow. Her movements like they were a dance of her own. The one he never told he loved her. 

For a moment, he felt his heart jump up in delight. It was her! Her!

The one he told to walk out of his life all those years ago.

And just like that, he felt his heart sink again as the bus rode past her. “One more look”, he told himself. “Only one.” He quickly turned around in his seat and got to look at her, one last time.

And there she was, slowly growing smaller as the distance between them increased. Smiling. Beaming. Content. 

And once again, she disappeared from view.

He sat back down with a big sigh, facing forward again. Why did he only now seem to realize what he should have realized a long time ago? 

She didn’t let him down, he let her down. And it wasn’t her who lost him. 

It was him who lost her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me.
> 
> With love,  
> LittleMinou


End file.
